"We Have to Bury a Body" 4/27/26 & Job Finished 4/20/26

 Now you might be thinking, "I wonder what that might mean?" but to quote Elder McBride... "I'm not kidding." A young man in his twenties passed away in the Pyeongtaek ward and was so immensely heavy that they had to recruit dang near every elder in our district to move the man around. When I got there I thought I was in the morgue, but it turns out, korean funeral homes are just super ugly. They were doing a viewing and this man was up on a metal table, no casket, and I'm pretty sure he was wearing the clothes he had on when he died, a T-shirt and shorts. And BOY almighty, the legends were true. Buddy was absolutely massive. Anyways, we left the room while they got the guy into a box (he was too big for a coffin) and then they called us back into the room for the big lift. The funeral director said "굉장히 무겁거든요" Before we picked him up, which almost made me laugh. Thankfully I recovered. Super weird experience....

We've got a super senile teaching friend that I decided to drop because he doesn't even remember korean anymore, so communication is dang near impossible. Unfortunately, we had already set up a dinner appointment with him, so we had to meet up at least one more time. This guy's kind of an NPC who roams around the church, so when we were on our way to the church a couple of hours before the appointment we made a game plan to just keep walking if we saw him, cause we had work to do and couldn't get wrapped up in allat. Sure nuf, my comp saw him down the street to our right about a 100 ft away. We were unsure at first until we heard "HEY. HEY. HEY. HEY. HEY. HEY." He was out of view and forgot our names and titles so we felt justified in marching onward. Now at the church there's a chair outside that he uses to wait for us occasionally. I turned to my comp and said, "as surely as the Lord liveth, that man is on his way." Estimating his pace to give us about 15 minutes before he got there we hid the chair behind the church in a bush so that when he gets there, there's not a comfy place to sit for 6 hours and he would have to leave. We hid it and then went inside, shut off all the lights, locked the door, and then started working. 

As predicted, right on time we hear *BANG BANG BANG* on the door outside for a terrifying 2 minutes, before complete silence, interrupted only by the unmistakable sound of a chair getting drug from behind the church to the front, exactly where it was before. Now this put us in quite the pickle, cause we were already committed to the whole "not at the church* gig, and now he was in a very strategic position to be in view of every single exit. As time passed and got closer to our 5:30 appointment, I tried everything to get him to leave the church, like calling and asking him to meet us at 7/11 instead, but the stubborn man was not gonna move.

This forced us to use the chappel window to climb out the back of the church, over the brick wall, and into the alley between the church and the next building. Now unfortunately, from there the only way out to the street is to hop a gate, a gate very much in his view, so this was gonna have to be done very, very quietly. I went first and immediately destroyed the brick wall, and like a video game the resulting noise perked his attention, but didn't get us caught. We tried again and got over the fence successfully. We could finally go through the main gate and greet the man as if we were in fact not at the church the whole time, which, as we all know, we absolutely were. 

The rest of the story is gonna be in my photos, but he is super curious about english, even though he doesn't know any, and he was asking us what everything is in english on the way to the restaurant and it was hilarious haha. He's adorable. 

Got an inactive to church by working on his farm, he was probably just impressed with how fast I dug that trench (he doesn't know I used to be a Subterranean Hydrous Reserves Dihydrogen Monoxide Transfer and Conduit Installation Technician) It took a whole day to get to his house in the middle of nowhere, and he had random naked lady statues and a Spaniard guy too. Long story short, he applied olive oil to a rice cake he was feeding me with a BRUSH he pulled from the depths of his dishes filled sink, without washing it. Prayers work, I'm still alive. 

Spiritual Thought: 

We visited our friend Paul,  who's gonna get baptised soon, and his living situation is pretty... not great. Despite this, he couldn't stop telling me about how grateful he is for God and all of his blessings. I couldn't believe how grateful he was, every time he spoke I would write something he said down, he was dropping some absolute bars on discipleship. How grateful are you? 

JOB FINISHED?  4/20/26

Well, my birthday was last week, and as luck would have it, I spent it in the same place I spent the first. That's right, I'm back in Anseong baby.  Absolutely wild being back here, the nostalgia is crazyyyy. Not to mention the weather is exactly the same, so it's basically just a re-run of my first transfer, with some differences of course. The first difference actually ain't bad, and that's that I can actually now understand the members here, so that's a welcomed change. The members were telling me stories as if I already knew them, but I did nottt know anything about these people the first time I was here. I love these members though, they're awesome. I'm glad I can actually talk with them a bit this time around. 

Second is that this isn't a 4 man anymore. I have been cursed with 2 mans my last 8 transfers, and it's way worse knowing what it COULD be right now because I've actually experienced it before. Wolfert get yur butt up here하라

Next is our friend Artemis, and this is the worst change of them all. Now for those of you who remember, Artemis was a girl my father Lockhart and I taught and put on date my first transfer but couldn't get baptised because her mom is an absolute lo.... difficult human being. We just had to tell her to live the gospel like a member until she turns 18 and can be baptised. When I left Anseong she was thriving in the gospel, and we was buds fr. We lowkey had an absolute gaggle of middle and high schoolers who we were tight with during those glory days... 

Anyways, I got transfered, but I was praying that she'd make it, and she would occasionally post videos with the Elders or Jesus videos on her story so I was thinking she was locked hunnid nah mean. Every zone conference I would ask about her to the Anseong elders and they had good news... until about 2 months ago. She's been difficult n such, so I was hyped when we got transfer calls and I figured I could come back here and help her out since I'm an OG. 

We got to the apartment and after a 2 minute nostalgia seizure I shoved my luggage in the door and we left for the church. Walking over I was wondering how long it would be until I saw some of my old teaching friends, when outta nowhere, I realized the girl about to walk past us was Artemis.. with 2 sketchy guys though. My comp and I were shocked but yelled out hi, and she made the slightest facial expression at me before walking directly past me, ignoring us completely. So basically me and 안예은 are beefing now cause what the heck was that junk fr. She texted me later and said, "sorry I couldn't say hi properly I was sooo busy." Yeah right buddy, who ain't got time to say. "Oh hi! So sorry busy right now." Nah, not a single peep. Some peoples kids amirite

The redeeming factor of this all is that I finally have my beloved Tony's Burgers back, and Tony of course. My first words to him were, "you ain't baptised yet?" Which got me cussed out. Turns out, he remembers me pretty well. Tony quotes are so back, here's one for you.

"There were times I had to shoot my *redacted* up my toes, thats how small my veins got" 

Yeah, we're working on him. 

The new comp is 3rd transfer Elder Osmond, and he's my first comp from Idaho. Also my first comp who likes guns, played rugby, loves fishing, their cousin, and camping. Kidding on the cousin one but it is crazy how Idahoans just be legends like that. This guy's got the Mr. Incredible build too, so there's not been as many arguments from my lips cause he could lowkey snap me, "like a toothpick." 

Before leaving Singal the members threw a little going away party for Sister Anderson and I, and what better time than that to eat copious amounts of eel.  Not bad honestly, but it ain't KFC. 

Spiritual Thought:  From what I heard during conference, we need to do better to help and love those around us, so I'm just gonna let this music do the talking for me today. I love this song, it sounds like the halls of the Celestial Kingdom--Brightly Beams Our Father’s Mercy.

Muffin Man pt. 2 4/12/26

 Yeah that's right. He's back.  In case you didn't know, muffin man is extremely fond of basketball, a grind I can respect. Unfortunately, due to his frisky behavior around the sister missionaries, and extremely unsanitary explorative hands, we don't invite him to basketball anymore. That doesn't stop him from inviting himself though, even when we do not have any basketball activities. My conversation over text saturday went something like this: 

Him: I am on my way to the basketball activity. 

Me: There's actually no activity today! Sorry! 

Him: My tummy hurts, we have to do basketball activity. 

Me: There isn't one, please don't come to the church today!! 

Him: 교회로 출발합니다 (I have departed for the church) 

We hoped he wouldn't show up but we got word from the sisters a couple hours later that the "muffin red dot" was on the fourth floor balling up. Together with the tech elders we girded up our loins and took the elevator to the 4th floor. When the door opened, it was pitch black up there, straight up a horror movie. We knew he was in the darkness somewhere. We ended up finding him and coaxed him into the elevator where he started tickling me.  Last time I'm ever getting boxed like a fish like that. Molested counter: 2 (People, not times)

Our recently baptised member fell off the face of the earth after his confirmation. I don't know if Satan attacked the man or if he died, but no phones reach him and he doesn't answer his door, if he is even in his house at all. When we taught him there were no problems at all, if he had a concern he was really good about asking us about it and not hiding or asking apostates on reddit nah mean. Pretty confusing. 

One of my favorite friends is a guy named 김욱 who reffered himself for english about a month ago now. He's like 50 and ever since his 2nd english class has pulled up wearing the most drippy suits I've ever seen because he wants to "match the elders." He absolutely loves fishing so we've been bonding over that of course, and this week we were able to have a really good member lesson with him. He's reading the Book of Mormon now.

Spiritual Thought:   I happen to be a member of the exclusive "Coombski Mission Drive," and my boy Elder Coombs has put some fire talks on there. One of my favorites is "Get an Attitude" and in it he said a heart that says "how bad can I be?" Is filthy. The talk was mostly geared to chastity, but what an important principle for every aspect of discipleship. It helped me realize I need to stop fence sitting and try to not only have "clean hands," but also a "clean heart." The scriptures always use that in a chain because both are necessary for true spiritual power. How valiant can I be? 

Love you all! Current Weight: 186.318  

Blossoms 4/6/26

 

Hello everyone! I hope you've had a good week. Guess who has less than 100 days left of their mission? The sisters I came out with.

This week was pretty good. We had interviews with President, which went pretty well. At one point, though, he said a word and asked if I knew what it meant in English, and I swear to you, I knew the word but could not remember what it was in English.  He watched me struggle for 10 seconds before deciding that I was probably just lying and told me the word. That moment has been haunting me these past couple of days. 

The cherry blossoms are back. The city I'm in right now did not go light on the blossom tree budget, so the whole city is plastered with these thangs, and it is absolutely beautiful. These blossoms were here when I got here, so I'm having nostalgic moments every now and again about Korea. It's super weird to have nostalgic moments for Korea instead of only the U.S. now.

Those of you who said you would “kill the male cold” for me… where you at? It got way worse, and I've been dying the last week, haha. My voice dropped an octave Saturday and Sunday, which had me singing “Your Man” by Josh Turner—probably not the most appropriate thing for a missionary to be singing, but when life gives you lemons nah mean

Johannes Kim received the Holy Ghost in sacrament meeting last week, and Elder Keate and I were able to stand in the circle. That was a pretty awesome experience. I went on a baller exchange with my beloved Elder Kofoed, who gave me some really good advice. It was the best weather, too.

We were walking through the train station, and there was a lady standing right in the middle of the path, offering very little room to get past her on either side. Elder Kofoed asked her to move, but she just looked at us and did the sassiest “ughhhhh” I have ever seen. She didn’t move an inch for us, so we just had to kinda plow behind her to get past. I was so confused why she had all that attitude for no reason at all. So strange.

Spiritual Thought: I haven’t been able to listen to much conference yet, but from what I’ve heard so far, there’s a big focus on helping others and ministering. I listened to a President Monson talk a while ago where he said the sweetest news you’ll ever hear is to have someone tell you that your loving words made an impact and helped their life. We get to be God’s hands in the work of answering prayers when we’re listening for our assignments.

Current Weight: 187.83 

Reinforcements 3/30/2026

 Every week we set a goal as a district at district council to focus on something throughout the next week. This week we decided to focus on finding and they wanted to "find two people a day" per companionship, which I was against because last time we did that goal we did horribly. I tried to convince them to do 1 person and they said I ain't had no faith, but I'm a big believer of setting goals that are accurate and achievable cause I hate it when we only hit 20% of our goals. Anyways, long story short, me and my comp popped off and have found 15 people so far, out of the 21 that the district has found. At least we're on track... Shoutout to the office elders for having found almost all the other ones even though they're in the office almost the whole day, no excuses for the rest though fr. 

We didn't do any official finding time, all we did was find on the way to appointments. On the train ride to the church my comp and I were in separate cars. I looked through the glass doors separating the two train cars and could see him about 40 feet to my right, and then I looked to my left to try to see if there was someone I could talk to. I don't know how my comp did this but he somehow got into my car and silently closed that 40 foot gap in like 3 seconds to wisper in my ear, "erm.. 혹시 KakaoTalk 있어요?" In this stupid stupid voice and I bout died laughing haha. 

Some bozo in the mission has been pocketing tithing money from our travel reimbursements so now we don't get them anymore. I go through 100,000 won every two weeks in travel, so now we have to choose between getting to appointments or getting food. Pray for a miracle please. 

We went with some other elders to do some basketball finding and we were lowkey getting whooped in a USA vs. Korea basketball match until like 6 Chinook and Blackhawk helicopters flew super low over us and hyped us up hard. We came back and won after that haha. Have a good week.

Spiritual Thought: The Book of Mormon is real and baller. 

Current weight: dunno